


19

by hongpikachu



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Howons, M/M, a little all over the place but welp i tried, hanahaki, more angst for everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongpikachu/pseuds/hongpikachu
Summary: At the tender age of 19, Jaehwan falls in love.The 19th letter of the alphabet is everything for him.





	19

**_Silhouette (n.)_ **

 

It was the third week of class and that was when Jaehwan confirms he needs more time to adjust his body clock. Five more minutes and he’d be considered as late for class and would have to suffer the consequence of sitting in the air with arms raised up high outside the classroom. A humiliating sight as it was for he knows he’d be doing it alone. However, when he spots a figure faraway, casting glances with eyes filled with hesitation and confusion, he doesn’t hesitate to sprint to the east section of the building, just to ask the boy how he could help while trying to suppress his shallow puffs of breath.

 

**_Smile (n./v.)_ **

****

Three seconds into talking to the lost freshman and Jaehwan feels like a moth drawn to flame. The freshman’s voice sounds quite gentle, and the way he clung to his books was indeed endearing, but nothing compared to the way his lips curved upward albeit the hesitation due to the shyness of first-time meetings. Although it was held-back, Jaehwan couldn’t help but be drawn even more to the smile of a person he just met.

 

**_Similarity (n.)_ **

 

“What’s your major?”

 

“Music Production.”

 

“Do you play an instrument?”  


“Yeah. The guitar.”

 

“Have you tried busking?”  


“Definitely. I’m a regular around the Hongdae area.”

 

“No way! How come I haven’t seen you around?”

 

In that moment, Jaehwan thinks that fate is on their side.

 

**_Strumming (v.)_ **

 

School festivals are one of the best moments for students who feel like they’ve been sticking their noses in books for too long. Deadlines are pushed back and exams are to be moved until when the school recovers from the hangover of festivity. When he finds himself lost in a sea of people, he lets the sound of strummed strings lead him to the stage, a familiar face on a seat and face so pure and calm as he sings his heart out.

 

 

**_Stutter (v.)_ **

 

One autumn afternoon they find themselves as lab partners, as the boy decides to take a few minors in advance to clear up his final semester in the future. In the course of events, the usually confident Jaehwan finds himself getting a jolt of electricity at the slightest touch, all the while blaming the harmless stirring rod for it as the other just chuckles. What he finds out causes him to almost knock down a harmless test tube, skin coming in contact with the hydrochloric acid nearby. The next thing they knew, both are in the infirmary, the boy having to leave first for he has a class in less than fifteen minutes on the next building. Jaehwan just sighs.

 

**_Sewoon (n., proper)_ **

 

The name rings loud and clear as Jaehwan closes his eyes one night. In the darkness, he sees the image of gentle features: wide and innocent eyes, an awkward smile, a sense of serenity when seeming to be asleep, and the sensation of tingles on areas where the other has touch still haunt him that night. On the same said night, he receives a text message from the said person, telling him of how he has a hard time sleeping.

 

Monday after that, they see each other in class, laughing at how they have dark circles on their eyes due to the lack of sleep. Sewoon smiles and Jaehwan tries to ignore the tightening in his chest.

 

**_Slowly (adv.)_ **

 

Winter came too soon and yet none of them did mind as it was that time of the year when music production majors have internal Christmas parties, and this year they were cramped in one huge karaoke room. One by one, the empty bottles of alcohol and empty plates start to pile up on the table. One by one, the guests excuse themselves to head home and spend the holiday with their families, until it was just the two of them left (save for the other two males knocked out on the couch). And it was when the last bottle of soju was emptied and the last note of the song Sewoon was singing ended to a fade that Jaehwan realizes he’s been falling. Gradually.

 

**_Sweet Pea (n, proper)_ **

 

It was spring when he saw Sewoon again and the physical effect he feels whenever they meet suddenly becomes significantly more evident than from the past season. It didn’t help that both of them have been so casual with each other and have been sending messages occasionally over the holiday (that weren’t about homework or upcoming lab activities). During lunch, when the other looks at him with wide puppy eyes as a noodle hangs on the corner of his lips, the impact hits Jaehwan stronger than before, air stuck on his throat and he choked. What was expected to be bits of meat or kimchi turned out to be something light and flat on his tongue. As he tries to take it out, he notices the faded purple shade of it. Sewoon asks him what it was, but even he couldn’t give a proper answer.

 

**_Secret (n.)_ **

As the days continue to pass, Sewoon notices Jaehwan coughing up light matter of different colors. This causes Jaehwan to lose his cool and frantically deny to the other about having this so-called hanahaki disease: a rare condition only known to have affected 2% of the population. In that small fraction of a chance, the latter never wanted anyone to find out about being vulnerable to a disease of falling in love. However, it gets harder to hide for the more he sees Sewoon, the more his coughing fits worsen.

 

And so much more when he gets a sudden question of who he was in love with.

 

**_Surrender (v.)_ **

 

Desperate times had to call for desperate measures and the only way Jaehwan ever really knew how to deal with problems beyond his capacity was to run away. So he ends up begging for the department dean to have his schedule changed (and with some kind of miracle it got approved without hassle), choosing times and classrooms where he knows he wouldn’t see Sewoon.

 

But the weekend turns out to be a different story, and now he’s stuck with Sewoon sipping his macchiato just across him with eyes looking like they bear deep into his soul, and the petals are slowly piling up and gradually blocking his windpipe and the world starts to spin that he feels like he would faint. His system somehow gives in and he sees three pinkish-red petals laying on top of the table just beside his textbook, stained with a little brown from his coffee.

 

“Who is it?”

 

He know he couldn’t escape it this time, he’s in a checkmate, so he sighs and accepts the predicament.

 

“You.”

 

**_Severe (adj.)_ **

A year has passed since the first day he met Sewoon but instead of being in the hallways at this time of the year, he looks up to find the small white glow of the bulb on the ceiling and a hand lightly rested on his shoulder. A few pieces of petals in different hues lay on top of his chest and the atmosphere of the room suddenly feels too heavy it makes him nauseous. The gaze follows the limb only to find Sewoon sitting on an office chair beside his bed, bags heavy under his eyes but he manages to smile albeit forced.

 

And the coughing fit starts once more.

 

**_Sorry (adj.)_ **

Never in their entire friendship did Jaehwan think he’d hear Sewoon sound so broken all because of him. “It’s not your fault,” he tries to speak out but his throat was too damaged from the coughing and suppression he did that it hurts to even swallow. However, he gets accustomed to the pain so long as he gets to experience being with Sewoon for a little while more. He still wants to get the message across so he opts to reach and hold the other’s hand. He wants to remember how their calloused fingers feel together, the feeling the last thing he’d want to imprint in his memory.

 

“Your surgery’s tomorrow. This will end.”

 

Although there was hope in those words, it didn’t make Jaehwan look forward to it.

 

**_Surgery (n.)_ **

 

The next day Sewoon finds traces of Jaehwan scattered around the room, but none of them are Jaehwan himself. With a depicted calmness, he goes outside to look for escaped patient, and he knows at least two places where the he could be.

 

Orange and blue slowly intertwine together as he stares at the sunrise, back rested on one of the poles on the rooftop. The guitar was on his lap and although he tries to create a melody out of it, his fingers were too weak causing the strum to be too soft and slow for anyone but himself to hear. All the words he wanted to tell Sewoon were just at the bottom of his throat, all blocked by the petals threatening to escape him, and just the thought of Sewoon causes him to cough up once more. This time, the traces of blood blend well with the dark red shade, and Jaehwan knows he won’t last long.

 

Just as when he was about to drift off to sleep,  the rooftop door opens and was welcomed by the sound of a strummed guitar. He was too much in a daze to take a second glance, and yet he could feel the adrenaline back on his veins and the tightening on his chest when Sewoon sits on the cold hard floor beside him.

 

“I know I’m not of much help here when you should be moving on…” He starts off with words spoken so gently yet stung so much like daggers on Jaehwan’s chest and stomach, “… but I’m really not allowing you to die, Kim Jaehwan. I still care, I’m still your friend. Please go in and get your surgery done.”

 

**_Selfish  (adj.)_ **

 

It was painful to see the one you love cry most especially when you’re the cause of his pain. But deep down he believes that not having to feel love for someone as amazing as Sewoon would be worse than dying because of love, so he prefers to be human and bask in the feeling. Thoughts start to run through his head all at once then disappear altogether, vision slowly getting blurry in between strong coughs and spewing out of vibrant petals, as if they have just bloomed immediately.

 

He slumps on the concrete wall and lets the breeze pass by, whispering in the middle of their heavy silence save for the small wheezing noises. It was a few moments later when Jaehwan decides that it’s now or never; that he has to at least give the younger some last words to remember him by.

 

“I’m sorry for being selfish, Sewoon-ah. I love you.”

 

**_Spring (n.)_ **

 

“I’m sorry for not loving you enough, Jaehwan.” Sewoon whispers to the sweet peas starting to bloom near the stone.

 

He tries to ignore the pieces of white jasmine falling on his lap.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry if i didn't do much justice here >< please let me know if there are areas i could improve on ^^ feedback is highly appreciated


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